


We're Just two Messed Up People

by Pastel_Deku



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluffy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 17:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16622951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Deku/pseuds/Pastel_Deku
Summary: While at a sleepover at TJ's house, Cyrus discovers secrets he could never had imagined.





	We're Just two Messed Up People

 

TJ wasn't sure where to even start. Over the last few weeks he had been getting along better with "The Good Hair Crew" - which is probably how they all ended up at a sleepover at his house.

 

As usual, his parents were gone on a trip, leaving him home alone. No surprise once so ever. They all loved the idea of staying at his parent-less house when he suggested it (except for Andi, who was pretty hesitant at the thought of lying to Bex, but was eventually convinced), which is why they were all currently sitting in TJ's living room on the couch.

 

The night had gone pretty well at first, as they spent most of the time simply watching movies mindlessly with popcorn that had way too much butter or creating small-talk, but before long, they had gotten to a deeper level.

 

"I...honestly don't even know what to do about Jonah..." Andi sighs with a bit of a frustrated smile, flopping none too gracefully onto her sleeping bag, "it's like, I like him...but at the same time, I want our friendship to stay friendship..."

 

Cyrus and Buffy nodded along, seeming to be deep into the conversation while TJ felt a bit awkward, not fully sure how to express his emotions in this way. They all stayed in silence for a bit before Cyrus spoke up.

 

"And lucky for me, my crush on Jonah is basically gone now..." He says softly, cheeks a light pink. TJ nodded a little, remembering how the other boy had came out to him a short while back. He felt his own cheeks darken a little at the happiness he had felt that day, but kept it to himself.

 

"What about you, TJ?" Andi asks the basketball player, smiling a little, "Have any interesting love stories to share?" Her tone was light and playful and calmed his nerves a bit, but not enough for him to actually admit his true feelings.

 

Instead, he shrugged and smirked a bit arrogantly. "Nah, I'm not really the kind of person to have those kinds of feelings."

 

"Of course not." Buffy quips, before mumbling under her breath, "or any kinds of feelings at all..."

 

TJ rolls his eyes in an attempt to mask just how much the words stung as Cyrus gave Buffy a stern look and Andi jabbed her in the ribs with her elbow.

 

Buffy frowns at her friends, but goes quiet.

 

The rest of the night was spent drinking too much soda and full of laughter - minus the tension between TJ and Buffy before everyone eventually passed out on their sleeping bags from exhaustion...well, everyone except TJ.

 

The blonde haired teen was tossing and turning on the couch, unable to shut off his brain as all the horrible things he had done - as well as the things said to him - replayed in his mind.

 

He bit at his bottom lip, feeling too many emotions at once which made him want to punch a wall out of anger, but more so reminded him of how much he hated himself. TJ eventually accepted that he wouldn't be able to get much sleep at all, rapidly sitting up as he tried to maneuver himself around his sleeping friends as quickly and quietly as he could until he reached the stairs, bolting up them and into his room.

 

The basketball player dug through his nightstand drawer until he found what he was looking for - a small, silver blade.

 

It wasn't much. After all, he had pulled it apart from one of his mom's travel razors a while back when he was at first intrigued by the idea, but it did get the job done.

 

TJ collapsed back on his bed and looked up at the small razor as he twirled it in his fingers, contemplating whether he should do it or not.

 

As he felt the hatred that he had for himself bubbling over inside of his chest, he heard the muffled sound of the toilet flushing before the door opened, illuminating the hallway.

 

Seeming to be frozen in place, TJ quickly regained his thoughts and motions as he shoved the blade under a pillow - possibly a bit too late - just as Cyrus poked his head in the room.

 

"Fuck, you scared me..." The blonde curses, letting out a quiet nervous sigh as he sat up to look at the brunette, "What are you even doing up here? There's a bathroom downstairs..."

 

Cyrus gave him a groggy apologetic smile before leaning against the doorway. "You told us the bathroom downstairs was still in the process of being renovated. Sorry...I only came in here because I thought I heard movement, but I didn't know if it was really there or I was just paranoid..."

 

TJ nods, mentally cursing himself for forgetting such a simple detail - especially about his own house. He furrows his eyebrows a bit when he feels warm liquid on his fingers. Shit. The blade must have nicked him in the midst of his frantic moments. He glances down to the best of his abilities without drawing too much attention to his hand and confirmed his earlier suspicions.

 

The basketball player's body visibly tensed up as he quickly moved his eyes back to Cyrus', giving him a weak, strained smile back. "You should go back to bed, Underdog. It has to be around 3:30 in the morning..."

 

Cyrus nods in agreement along with a yawn, "what about you? You need sleep too..."

 

The blonde blushes a light pink, momentarily thankful that all the lights are off as his heart swells a bit at Cyrus' concern. "I'll be there in a bit. Trying to find my phone charger..." He stifles a yawn himself and moves a hand up to rub at his tired eyes, freezing in place once he realizes his mistake.

 

The brunette was about to walk out of the room until he froze as well, his small smile quickly turning into a frown as he looked closer at the other teen whose face was lit up slightly due to the moonlight coming through the blinds. When TJ had rubbed his eyes, something dark seemed to smear across his cheek and close to his eyelid.

 

"What's on your face?" He asks softly, taking a step closer.

 

TJ quickly turned his head in the other direction, trying to keep the shorter boy from seeing. "It's nothing. Probably just some ink or something weird..."

 

"TJ, you're bleeding!" Cyrus gasps, eyes widening in alarm as he gets closer to the basketball player, quickly darting to the other side of the room to turn on the lights.

 

Said basketball player groans and squints his eyes as he tries to adjust to the light, caught completely off-guard when he felt a wet tissue pressed to his cheek, gently wiping off the blood.

 

"Don't worry, it's just water..." Cyrus mumbles, focusing more on the task at hand.

 

TJ would have laughed at the brunette's words if he wasn't absolutely terrified by the fact that Cyrus' leg was nudging against the pillow that was currently shielding one of his most prized possessions from prying eyes.

 

"Y-You really don't have to do this..." He stutters out, trying desperately to think of anything that would convince Cyrus to move.

 

The Good hair Crew member didn't say anything, and definitely didn't budge an inch as his eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Weird... there doesn't seem to be any kind of injury here..."

 

TJ shrugs, curling his hand into a fist with a small wince as he struggled to hide the actual injury. "Maybe it wasn't blood?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he instantly regretted it, realizing how stupid the sentence sounded.

 

Despite that though, Cyrus shook his head as his eyebrows were still furrowed. "No, that's definitely blood..."

 

The taller of the two boys looked at him with a confused expression, as if asking, 'how are you so certain about that?'

 

Cyrus quickly snapped out of his gaze, giving TJ a sheepish smile. "I mean, at least I'm pretty sure it is..."

 

TJ nods, still unconvinced as he sighs and looks down at the floor, seeing an outline of red slowly weeping out from around the outline of his fingers in his clenched fist.

 

The brunette is still doing his job, checking over the rest of the blonde's face and hair to see if he had any hidden wounds that might have caused the blood.In his attempt to move closer to the taller boy, his leg goes most of the way under the pillow before Cyrus winces visibly and quickly pulls his leg back.

 

When he makes a move to lift up the pillow, TJ almost lunges at him but is a few seconds too late. What's seen cannot be unseen as Cyrus' eyes widen, hand shaking a little as he picks the small blade up. He inspects it closely and notices a few bits of dry blood on it, his suspicions immediately confirmed that this wasn't just some absolutely insane coincidence.

 

As Cyrus looks back up at TJ, he notices that the teen had pulled his legs up to his chest and was staring off into the distance, his face a ghostly pale.

 

"TJ..." He starts softly then pauses, taking a second to think over his words carefully so he wouldn't worsen the situation.

 

While Cyrus was thinking, the blonde teen croaked out an answer. "You weren't supposed to find out...no one was...god! I'm such an idiot!"

 

"Don't say things like that about yourself, you're not an idiot TJ!" Cyrus practically whisper-shouts with a saddened expression.

 

TJ scoffs and rolls his eyes, glaring at the brunette. "Like you would even know! You don't get any of this! Stop trying to fix everyone's problems and constantly shoving your nose into other people's business!" His voice came out as a venomous hiss, which he immediately regretted once he saw the hurt flash in Cyrus' eyes. He had hurt the only person who seemed to actually give a damn about him, the only person who he truly cared about.

 

The basketball player swallows hard and looks back to the floor. "'M sorry...I know you're just trying to help, even though it's pointless. I've already faced the facts that I'm fucked up too far past the point of return..."

 

The shorter boy says nothing, seeming to be deep in thought before he turns to TJ again. "I...used to do it too..."

 

TJ slowly glances at him in time to see Cyrus hesitantly pulling up his sleeve, revealing faded white lines that would only be visible if you really looked close. TJ's eyes widened as he stares at the brunette, taking a bit longer to process his words than needed.

 

"Of all people...you?" He was confused and shocked, completely unprepared for the idea that Cyrus would ever want to harm himself.

 

Cyrus nods and sighs quietly, "Things can be quite...stressful when your parents are shrinks who divorced and married to other shrinks. Not to mention how they expect everything from me to be perfect..." He let out a weak laugh, looking down at the floor as he willed himself not to cry, "I-I don't know...I guess at one point the pressure just made me snap and I just...did it I'm the spur of the moment, you know? After that, I just kept doing it every time something went wrong for me..."

 

TJ nods silently, hesitantly asking a question, "how did you...y'know..hide it?"

 

Biting his bottom lip, the brunette closes his eyes briefly as if the question weighed him down greatly before answering shakily. "Like I said, having shrinks for parents means it's basically impossible to hide things from them, but at the same time you know exactly how to hide things because you know all of their tricks...it's, kinda hard to explain..." He rubs the back of his neck at the thought, not fully sure how to explain it.

 

"Yeah, I sorta understand..." The basketball player says, watching as Cyrus set the razor blade aside on his nightstand, forcing himself to look away from the small silver item after a few seconds.

 

Cyrus looks down at his arm, using a single finger to trace over the faded scars. "I never even thought about doing it to my arms, but when Buffy and I were fighting a while ago and she stopped talking to me, I just sort of did it in the extemporaneous moment..." He turns his gaze further down to his thighs, "My thighs are worse..."

 

The taller boy says nothing as the room was filled with silence.

 

It took him a few minutes before he finally decided to speak up. "I guess I should explain on my part why I do it..."

 

The brunette looks up at him, looking a bit shocked that he wanted to open up. TJ took note of this, but still continued, "My parents don't really care about me. Hell, they aren't even here right now..." He sighs, laying back down with his hands folded over his stomach, completely forgetting about his injured finger, "I'm a horrible person...I lie, cheat, and just overall am a complete jerk. I don't want to be, but I always seem to fuck up. Basketball was the only thing that I was actually good at, until Buffy joined the team and pretty much knocked me off of my throne...stupid analogy, but it's basically true..." He laughs bitterly, a lump forming in his throat at the sudden confession to all that he had bottled up for so long.

 

Cyrus was quiet and listening attentively, waiting patiently for TJ to be able to speak again.

 

"It really all started when I overheard some of the girls at school talking about it. I later googled it and played around with the idea in my head for a period of time..." TJ moves a hand up and uses it to brush his hair away from his face, "eventually I decided to just do it...after all, what do I have to lose?" He glanced over at the shorter boy with a sad smile that soon vanished as he saw his face.

 

The brunette was worrying his bottom lip, chocolate brown eyes glassy from tears that had yet to fall. "You're not any of those things, TJ..." He whispers quietly, glancing down at the other boy but quickly looked back up once the tears were about to fall.

 

TJ shook his head, frowning once again. "You don't know that..."

 

That comment made Cyrus go silent yet again before his mind formed a new question. "When did you last do it...?"

 

"Two days ago..." TJ replies, trying to make his response sound nonchalant with a small shrug. "You?"

 

Cyrus plays with the hem of his shorts. "A-A few weeks ago...maybe a month, I'm not sure..."

 

The blonde teen nods and sighs, moving his hands behind his head with a small wince.

 

The shorter boy watches his movements, as if asking him a silent question.

 

"My upper biceps..." He answers, having a decent idea of what Cyrus was wondering, "and occasionally my chest if I run out of room..."

 

A few tears escaped from Cyrus' eyes, which he quickly wiped away.

 

"Hey, it's okay, Underdog. I'm okay..." He tries to reassure the other boy, but his words only seem to make it worse as Cyrus shakes his head.

 

"Neither one of us are okay, that much is obvious. The only reason that I stopped doing it to my arms was because I was terrified of my parents finding out, and the only reason I'm actually trying to stop is because Buffy found out...!" That was the last straw before Cyrus burst into silent tears.

 

TJ knew that the brunette was right, but part of him still didn't want to accept it as he slowly sat up. Since he had basically no experience with how to comfort himself, not to mention another person (or his crush), TJ carefully pulled Cyrus into an awkward hug, feeling his cheeks heat up once again when the shorter boy buried his face in his shirt.

 

As Cyrus snuggles closer to him, his shorts rode up a bit. TJ looked down and cringed at the sight, realizing just how bad the brunette's thighs really were. Since only a random few scars were on display, the blonde couldn't really tell the whole expense of it all, but from what he could see it was horrible. Two of them were pink and raised - which is basically what his own looked like - but the one that concerned him the most out of the few was a decently deep scar, looking like it had a horrible process of healing and was most likely infected at some point.

 

TJ swallows the lump in his throat, trying to keep himself from feeling his emotions as he soon clutches Cyrus closely as if the smaller boy was his lifeline.

 

They sat like that for at least ten minutes, the only sound in the room was Cyrus' small, quiet sniffles every once in a while.

 

Eventually the two boys reluctantly pulled away from each other, glancing away awkwardly as they weren't really sure what to say.

 

TJ bit his cheek as he contemplated finally confessing to Cyrus. He sighs a bit in frustration before his shoulders tensed again. "Since we're confessing to everything we've ever done, I might as well get this off of my chest..." His voice trails off as he struggles to get his thoughts together as the brunette wipes his eyes and looks at him curiously.

 

"There was a reason...that I didn't answer when Andi asked if I liked anyone..." He rubs at the bridge of his nose with his clean hand, forcing himself to spit the words out, "well for one thing...I'm bisexual..." The basketball player pauses for a second, part of him not believing that he had finally confessed to something that he had held in for so long.

 

Cyrus nods and lets him take a moment since he personally knew what it was like to finally get something that heavy off of your chest.

 

A second more passed before TJ spoke again. "I also like a guy...I mean, who wouldn't? He's smart, funny...and one of the only people who actually cares about me..." He smiles weakly as his face turns a light shade of pink.

 

The shorter boy smiles a little, clearly completely oblivious that the blonde was talking about him. "I know those feelings..."

 

TJ nods a little and sighs, "AndI really wish I could be with him, but one of his friends hates me and I'm such a jerk to the point where I wouldn't be able to stand being in a relationship with myself..."

 

Cyrus' smile quickly fell at the taller boy's words. His brain seemed to be slowly processing the rest of the sentence as he put it together inside of his brain. "TJ...-"

 

"I know, I know...I shouldn't say that about myself..." The basketball player mutters, quickly cutting him off mid-sentence.

 

"N-No that's not what I was gonna..." Cyrus trails off as he takes a breath, anxiety quickly bubbling up inside his chest, "a-are you talking about..." he trails off once again, letting the silence finish his question for him. The brunette glances up at the blonde teen hesitantly, seeing his face turn bright red.

 

With that, Cyrus feels his own cheeks heat up as he quickly looks back down. "Oh..."

 

The blonde teen frowns and looks away, "I understand if you don't feel the same way..."

 

It took about a minute, but the brunette quickly shakes his head. "I-I never said I didn't feel the same way...it's just, a lot to process at the moment..."

 

TJ hums quietly in agreement before sighing once again.

 

"You're right. Buffy will probably hate us for a while...not to mention everyone at school..." Cyrus' voice nearly cracks at the end because of his nervousness, noticing how the taller boy's shoulders slumped in defeat, "but I don't care, I wanna try..." He quickly adds so TJ doesn't think he's turning him down right away.

 

TJ snaps his head up at the brunette's words, looking completely shocked. "Really?"

 

The shorter male nods with a shy smile. "Yeah..."

 

Without thinking, the basketball player practically launches at him, pulling Cyrus into a hug. The brunette was shocked to say the least, but slowly hugged back after a few seconds. "On once condition though..."

 

TJ furrows his eyebrows and pulls back a little in confusion.

 

Cyrus hesitantly pulls TJ's sleeve up his shoulder, gently running his fingers over the healing wounds as the other teen bites his lip, the feeling foreign to him. "Whenever you feel like hurting yourself, you have to tell me...even if you end up doing it, I wanna know..."

 

The blonde had never heard Cyrus more serious than he was in this moment, swallowing hard as he nods weakly.

 

"You have to promise..."

 

"But I'm so bad at promising things..."

 

"Please, TJ..."

 

He groans, shoving his pride aside to realize that he did need help. "I...promise, alright? But the same goes for you then."

 

Cyrus freezes in place as the words went through his mind. He should have known TJ would turn the request back on him, after all, it was only logical to do so. "TJ..." He somewhat whines, having absolutely no faith in himself that he would be able to keep a promise like that.

 

"Look, it takes basically all of my willpower to force myself to agree to this. If I can do it, you can too, Underdog. I believe you can..."

 

The shorter boy wipes at his eyes when he feels tears well up again. "I don't know if I can..."

 

TJ shakes his head, "It's just like you told me, it's okay to make mistakes, you just have to tell me about it..."

 

He nods weakly, slumping against TJ while making sure he didn't land on his shoulder. "I-I...I promise..."

 

"Promise promise?" The taller boy teases a little, smiling down at him softly.

 

Cyrus cracks a smile at this, glancing up tiredly. "Promise promise..."

 

TJ sighs and wraps his arms around the smaller male. "Thanks, Underdog..."

 

***************************

 

"What do you suppose happened last night?" Andi asks softly to Buffy.

 

"I honestly don't even want to know..." Buffy answers, crossing her arms over her chest as her brows furrowed in confusion.

 

They were both looking down at the two boys, TJ was sprawled across the foot of his bed while Cyrus was on the edge near the top, looking as if he would fall of at any second.

 

Andi almost reached out to tap the blonde's leg, but hesitated, "should we wake them up?"

 

Buffy simply shrugs. "Probably not. We can go watch TV until they manage to get their sluggish selves out of bed." She smiles, walking over to the door quietly.

 

"Good idea..." Andi nods, following her out as they gently closed the door behind themselves.


End file.
